Today, I just got news that an ex-colleague of mine passed away in a motorcycle accident last Sunday. To be frank, we were not close. But I really feel for him, and I was feeling very disturbed the whole day today.
He was around my age. And it was always like, oh he's going to do this next time, or he's going to be like that in future. But now... all of a sudden, there's no more him. I have a number in my phone that has his name on it, but now.. it leads to nothing. No more him on the other end.. Just a blank. Most of all, it made me scared to think that - it could be me.
It made me think about morality, and how frail it is. I always think in terms of plans for the distant future, plans for the near future. Scuba diving lessons in August, getting married in two years. Owning a house by the time I'm 30.. Get a job that lets me travel the world when I finish my degree studies. But.. what if there were no tomorrow? Everything could end in the next minute; how do I know that my heart wouldn't suddenly just stop?
If I knew that I'd die tomorrow, I'd binge like mad on my favourite foods today.. I'd go to the airport and buy me an air ticket just like that, first class, fastest flights to let me see the world in the shortest possible time, go scuba diving I would want to get married, that garden wedding I've been thinking of.. I'd want to make everything right with all the people I love... Apologise for every hurt I ever caused, the promises I made but never got around to doing, buy them the things they want.
But then, what if I didn't die tomorrow? I'd be madly in debt if I kept things up, I'd lose my job and not to mention the weight gain.
I kept thinking, how do I decide what I want to do today then?
To live life to the fullest, and at the same time considering the future.
And the answer struck me as I was walking home just now -
The irony of it, that what is worth doing today are that which gives everlasting meaning and beauty.
I may be slogging my brains out in class today when I could've been enjoying a movie. But at the end of a show, the lights go on and I probably won't remember the movie in a month. Putting in the effort today makes me a better person in the long run (at least to me), cos I think it improves my mind and self-discipline for a better me tomorrow.
I'll quit that job I hate today, to find another that I love, which I can bring much more joy to the people that I come in contact with for work, and to create experiences that they will remember for a long time.
The great artists of our time put a huge amount of effort into their art pieces, but they were probably happier for the beauty they have created.
Tomorrow, I will be visiting my friend's wake. For all the things he has yet to do in this world, I pray that he will get to do in the place where he has gone to now... And more.
