I just threw in the towel
That's it! I just clicked send on the resignation email I wrote to my boss! I've had enough feeling afraid of the next challenge that comes up at work.. Yes, afraid, not raring to tear down the challenge into tiny bits and digest it. Enough of feeling relieved, and not satisfied, at every task completed. Enough of having that cold, hard feeling settle in my heart everytime I hear or read about 'press release', or 'think of an angle', or 'what would attract the media'. Enough of dreading going to work everytime I think of the next working day. Enough of hearing whiny little me whining to poor Aldran day in day out about whether I should resign. Enough, just enough.
It's not that the work itself is bad, in fact, there's a lot of passionate people out there who excel in PR and really have a flair for doing what they do. I'm just not one of them... Thinking up creative, intangible ideas and new story angles. Writing things that's supposed to interest the media and the world. It's not my cup of tea, and I admit it. Finally. Admit it to myself. Call it conceding defeat, call it not giving the job the proper chance/time/effort before I've giving up on it. Call it whatever. It feels right and it feel good.
How long do I try before I give up? For work, I think I have the answer. I've never been able to do what I don't like, and that's one thing that hasn't changed about me. Didn't like Physics, took Chem-Bio, the unpopular "no good future" combi. Didn't like first 3 months in JC, went to poly. Maybe my life has been a bit of the road less travelled.
This is my style.. This is my life.So what's next? I'm going to take my time looking for a job I will love (you guys go read "What color is your parachute" by Richard Nelson Bolles. It sparked off a lot of ideas about my hunting for a dream job, with lots of good, practical advice). In the meantime I will slack. I'm just gonna take it easy, and find some part-time work I'll enjoy. Pasting stamps and packing stuff. Selling tickets at an art venue. Museum guide/curator. Helping out at events. Sorting things and making them pretty. Somewhere touristy or artistic or beautiful.I haven't felt this right in a long, long time now. Though, of course, somewhat apprehensive about job searching again. $$$
Dreamt on Monday, November 12, 2007; 8:56 AM
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