I'm picturing Aldran is on his way to the Perth airport at this moment, driving in the cold and rain, empty seat next to him. It was only an hour ago that we were still seated at the balcony of my hostel room, talking about our dreams and future plans.
The past week was a mad whirlwind of activity and emotions.
My knee jerk reaction to "home" is to think about an apartment that is no longer my family's, of a room that I will never see again. Leaving was more emotional than I thought it would be. Gei Gei and I took some photos in all sorts of silly poses around the house the night before I left. And Aldran stayed up with me till the wee hours of the morning, talking about our memories in the house. My last impression was the lingering look of my room's window from the corridor as we locked the front gate at six in the morning. See! I can't stop saying 'my room'... But I'll let it be for a while more, until my heart and my mind can eventually wrap themselves around the reality.
In all my 26 years, it's my first time away from home, family and friends. Somehow, it's that position- poised right on the top of the rollercoaster that made me take stock of the road that I've taken so far, and to really stop and appreciate the people in my life. My parents, Gei Gei and Kendrick, Aldran, all my dearest friends, bosses and colleagues, everyone so supportive and encouraging. I think a lot about everyone, and when I do so, I just have this warm feel of quiet assurance and peace.
Even here in Perth, I feel the care and concern of my relatives and friends whom I haven't known for long... I do and always will have the strongest faith in the kindness that is innate in most people, even though there is the occasional oddballs who simply don't seem to share the goodness in their hearts.
House-hunting was well, frankly.. quite a bitch. If house-hunting were an emotional cocktail, its description would look like this:
A base of over-confidence with layers of frazzled nervous, excitement followed almost immediately by disappointment, frustration, pressure, desperation, and again excitement followed almost immediately by disappointment. This wild mix provokes anger, tears, then resignment, but ends off with a bittersweet finishing of surprise clouded with some uncertainty.
At first it was that over-confidence of being able to choose from the many places on my list. But as I went down some 20 houses, my confidence gradually eroded. We saw houses that..
- Comes with existing housemates whom I can't quite see myself getting along with (how do I feel comfortable in a house where one of my room-mates lives in a small triangular area of the living room behind shower curtains?)
- Located too far from school
- Beautiful on the outside, totally trashed and messy and smelly on the inside (I saw a bedroom with rubbish like half-empty bottles strewn all over the floor next to the bed)
- Old, sad and depressing (how can one live in peace listening to the sound of precious water constantly running out of a leaky tap?)
- Doesn't feel safe
It may sound like I'm being whiny. But the el-cheapo me has seen and lodged at basic places overseas, and I think there is a definitely a line between basic and unliveable.
House hunting is all a matter of meeting the right landlord and house at the right time. Hesitate, and that place with the nice room-mate is gone. Wait, and miss that warm, cosy, cheery house which even comes with two cats! I almost landed in a room with the fireplace in a stately old mansion, and an artistic city apartment in a building with the full line-up of sauna, swimming pool, function rooms... But both landlords pulled out on me at the last minute.
The Right One finally came in the form of a lovely Australian lady with a brand new one-bedroom apartment just round the corner from my university. It was more expensive that I had budgeted for, but price is at present, really, quite the least of my concerns. I swear that the sunlight was sweeter, the air warmer and even rainbows appeared in the sky after I signed on the lease agreement this morning!!
Aldran must be boarding the plane at this moment now. Parting was definitely one of the most painful moments of this past week. I think it's probably tougher for him than me. I wasn't waving him off from the front porch of my apartment as he had pictured, but from the main entrance of a quiet student hostel where I'm temporarily staying. He's probably feeling helpless that I would have to move in and set up home next week without him.
But now that I'm suddenly all alone, I feel much calmer than I had expected myself to feel. I'm still not sure how well I will take to this new adventure, but at least I've stopped questioning my decision like I was doing just before Aldran left.
I feel like crawling into bed to fall asleep to the sound of rain, but I have some work to do for the office... Better get started now.
